I didn't shave. On purpose
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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