If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
