He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
