It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
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i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
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I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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