I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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