you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
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I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
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Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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