I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
