Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
