I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
