I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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