So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize