If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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