Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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