Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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