that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
