A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
