Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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