my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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