Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
