saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
