Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
