apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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