Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
