I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
