he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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