I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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