Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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