So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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