Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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