see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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