Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
