im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
