u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
