so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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