i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Pooping to opera.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
