I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
