yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
