Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just gift wrapped bread.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
