he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
