Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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