I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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