you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize