every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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