Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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