Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
