Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
