you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
