I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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