Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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