I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
