Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
