i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
