no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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