Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
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He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
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I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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