All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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