I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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