ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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